Over the past couple of months, life has mostly dwindled into the smallest possible version of itself. If life can be as big as seeing all of the world and all of its people. In it’s smallest version there is almost nothing. You wake up, you work, you eat and you sleep.
In the cold, it almost feels like some version of hibernation. You don’t move more than a 1000 steps through the day, you walk through life in some sort of trance waiting. Though I am not sure for what. This feeling to pass. This sparseness, the cold, the silence, the darkness, the white flat lands everywhere. There is a sort of desperate beauty to it. The same beauty that tugs inside you when you are feeling very alone. The kind of beauty that you don’t want to be left alone with. She can be hard to live with at times. Television has always been my best friend to quell this beauty, to quieten her. When I grew older I turned to alcohol, drugs, social media for this. And again this time around I find myself opening my instagram or twitter or netflix to shut her up. But I want to learn to be friends with her. She will melt away with spring and summer but I need to learn to treasure her more so next year I feel more at home around her. Be okay sitting in the quiet and the dark, and the slow and white, watching waxwings flock in the front yard when you have not left the house in two weeks.
I have been cooking/baking some, on my days off. It is one of the few things that is tangible, that I am sort of capable with. The proof as they say is in the mediocre mochi I made. Everything else I am doing is either cerebral or has such a steep learning curve that there is no immediate result that I can see, play with, or eat.
So here are the things I did in these past two months that I am proud of
- I made pasta from scratch
- I made mochi from scratch
- Other nameless desserts
ps: I am taking part in a book reading thingy where you read 52 books 52 weeks. I probably won’t manage to keep up with it. But let’s see how long I last.
pps: I need a skin care routine.
Books read this past month
Circe — Madeline Miller
The Poet X— Elizabeth Acevado
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo — Taylor Jenkins Reid
The Stand — Stephen King
Homegoing — Yaa Gyasi
The Stone Sky — N.K Jemisin